I get it and don't want to add to her stress. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. She likely doesn't want you to touch her bc whenever you do it leads to an implied intimacy interaction she doesn't want. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. Thats a depressing thought too. So as partners age, sometimes we have to stop asking for what is too painful for them to give. I feel like Ive been through hell. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. It doesnt necessarily make it better but it makes sense. For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. Your situation is my situation ! My wife lost interest in sex years ago. For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). I hear you bro. Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. It literally saved my marriage and maybe my life. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. Sex ended, period. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. Read the first sentence again. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Shes taking care of the house and shes working as well. However, another simple answer is that she isnt used to being the initiator. After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? Addressing these issues will likely buoy your sex life naturally. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. Stay single, young men, Marriage is not for you. Over 12 years no sexual contact. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. I am guilty of that. Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. Most women, especially in our age group, only experience responsive desire. . // Replace PAGE_IDENTIFIER with your page's unique identifier variable My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). Showing discomfort is a telltale sign that your wife isn't taking foreplay positively. Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. To some it may even taste nasty. My first wife and I married when we were 21. Its only going to get worse. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. So much hurt involved, and guilt. Dont kid yourself, she still understands a mans needs. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. Do we risk our grown children finding out and not understanding? The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. Many of us could not conceive of divorcing because we have spent a lifetime waiting around to be shown once again that we are desired by the one person we have shared our lives with and still very much love. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. They have cheated on us with themselves and their selfishness! Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. Be loving. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. Maybe it will make a difference, good luck. . Look, we have all pretty much aged our of sexual adventurism but our minds refuse to accept it. I know that feeling of the Phone etc being more important. You definitely dont get it. It is incumbent on each of us, male and/or female to strive for the new, the invigoration, the secure, the calm, the exciting, the passionate . Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. . I spent 36 years with a man who I was never good enough for and now in a relationship with a man who loves me and is so kind. So, get your act together, start showering in the evenings, put on some cologne for her and, most importantly, keep things well groomed and hygienic down there. Ill be living in a van down by the river if we separate. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. And we sacrifice ourselves for them. The Bible says to not deny one another because it leads to stumbling. Weve been married for six years now and its been an abusive relationship in all types of way. I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. Get a better paying job so she doesnt have to work her butt off. It is equally open to the man to be charitable by eating alone. Fully. And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. My wife and I are celebrating 48 years together in January. I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. I have suffered from severe sexual dysfunctions all my life, since I started having sex as a teen. Absolutely! My husband and I both have gained weight. Let him know, with passion and love, that you miss *that* him . and hugs when one of us leaves the house. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. 2 children later sex was still fun. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. I agree 100%. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. Haha Im not going to belittle my husband and make him feel less of a man when he is the one with impotence. Are you crazy? Its easy to see why such discord will eventually manifest itself in the bedroom. I demonstrate my love for her in so many ways, little notes, letters, flowers messages in song, other women including young women I work with say they would love to have someone who loves and respects their partner and relationship like I do. It has been 5 very long years for me. Married 23 years. How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? To answer your question from my 69-year old, male POV: The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. Before the ink was dry on the marriage license, shed already decided she was done being nice. And one factor is being a caregiver. Sounds like case of no money no honey. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. In most cases, Ive seen that men dont realize and acknowledge the needs of their wives. The less stressed she is, the more free space she has in her mind to devote to all things naughty. It is so sad listening to mostly men talk about their wives not wanting sex. She has absolutely no interest in it. I hope you two can work it out. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. My 76 year old husband has not. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. Just like mental health, physical well-being is also essential for women to feel sexually charged up. So to many they think Im faking it. I cant make the same wages I did before my illness, but added to my retirement money, it can get close. And lots of different health issues and life circumstances can affect your hormones, as can taking hormonal birth control (i.e., the pill). This isnt totally new for him either. It is frustrating, but I would never give up our marriage over it. And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it.